Maybe you've heard of the Marshmallow Test.
In 1972, Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel wanted to test self-control and delayed gratification, so he did an experiment with young children. He put a marshmallow in front of the kids and told them they could eat the delicious marshmallow now — or wait 10 minutes and get two delicious marshmallows. Some kids devoured the marshmallow. Other kids were determined to wait, and they came up with their own stratagems for distracting themselves from the treat before their eyes — looking away, covering their mouths, singing a song, trying to go to sleep.
That's it — that was the experiment.
- Footnote 1: People have recreated this experiment many times, some producing videos like this one, which is seriously one of the most adorable things on the internet. You should check it out and then come back.
- Footnote 2: Professor Mischel made an amazing discovery years after doing the original experiment — the subjects who resisted temptation as children grew up to have better health, achieve more in school, and excel in their careers. (Further experiments have cast doubt on the strength of these conclusions — you can decide for yourself what it all means.)
- Footnote 3: This may remind you — in The Key #4 last week, we talked about the difference between people's instinctive reactions in the animal part of the brain and their "executive function" that tries to make intelligent decisions after the animal brain has decided what it wants. Here's a demonstration of how some people are stronger in executive function and others aren't!
- Footnote 4: Oh, by the way . . .
• Oh, by the way, this is the story of Covid
At some point during Covid I had the realization, “Oh my God, we’re in a Marshmallow Test!”
If you think about it, I'm sure you know people who understood the nature of the pandemic and spent two years finding ways to cope; and I'm sure you know other people who wanted what they wanted right away with none of the sacrifice.
On Monday we talked about how lifestyle becomes a political battlefield. That's what happened as Covid became increasingly politicized. Even as a million Americans died of Covid-19, people on the right chose to attack simple, cheap and rational disease-control measures — and why? Because they reflexively put them in the category we’ve just talked about: liberals trying to tell you how to live.
Democrats categorized Covid as a scientific crisis requiring serious public-health measures, and Republicans categorized it as a lifestyle war. Pretty quickly, the country separated itself into Team Deprive Yourself vs. Team Fuck Off I'll Do What I Want.
And the thing is, when Covid was at its scariest (and the president of the US seemed confused and unhinged about it), the American people chose safety. The Republicans were very unpopular in polls, and even when restaurants and bars opened, people didn't go. Republicans had made a big miscalculation — because people didn't frame Covid in terms of culture war — and the right-wingers had disaligned themselves from most people, who were prioritizing staying alive.
Over time, people chafed at the difficulty of quarantine, remote school and personal deprivation, and Democrats failed this moment because they never created a culture of support for what people were experiencing. They failed to engage in the lifestyle war when they were on the winning side of it. They failed to celebrate people's sacrifice. They failed to all be in it together. They failed to take people's side. They just favored prudent measures and stayed inside and waited it out.
I was out canvassing for school-board candidates in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, a couple years ago, and a lot of people were angry at the school board for doing too much or doing too little. I had trouble responding to their complaints — until I got to one particular door. It had a very stern sign in front insisting that people wear a mask, so I put one on and knocked. Anticipating someone with a belligerent attitude, I was surprised — I ended up talking for a long time with a dad who really, really cared and who felt under siege. He said he had taken his kids out of school because it wasn't safe, and he was home taking care of them every day.
A light bulb went off for me. There was an emotional key to the Covid issue, and the key was safety. In particular, your responsibility for your family's safety. At every door after that, I told people about that dad. People understood the issue if I framed it in terms of parents who were worried about keeping their kids, themselves, and their own parents, safe.
• Democrats' missed opportunity
From Democrats, I wish I had heard things like:
"We're all working hard to keep our families alive in a dangerous time, and for some reason they're out there attacking you for doing that."
"They're willing to give up your mother and father because they're old. I'm not."
"You've had to make sacrifices, and I know there are people yelling and screaming about it, but you did the absolute right thing."
"It's your family. It's not a joke."
And I wish Democrats had DONE more.
When you have a chance, look into what both Stacey Abrams and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are doing in their communities. It's a completely different model from "Make calls, get money, run ads." They have approached politics as one dimension of a greater community-service mission — and it's to the rest of the party's discredit that they haven't done this as well. (We used to have the party machine to do this, and now we have a vacuum.)
If Democrats were serious, they would be building community everywhere, every day. During Covid, they would have been out door-knocking every day — not only in campaign season — to find out who needs what and get it to them.
This makes a difference. A friend of mine in Nebraska who is active in his local party told me that if a tree fell in somebody's yard, he and the former party chairman would drive a pickup truck out there and bring a chainsaw and cut up the tree for the resident — and let everyone know it was the Democrats who showed up for them. On the Republican side, I did some reporting on a 2019 special election in North Carolina that I'm pretty sure was swayed to the Republican because a well-liked state senator got out in his truck and saved people in a hurricane. This is where reputations are built, long before your TV ad airs.
In the last newsletter I said, don't get into a fight with people's way of life. If I can sum up this newsletter in one sentence, it's this: Support people in their way of life. Find the ways that you align with people's lifestyle and honor those. Get out on the right side of the way people live. Let them know you support them when the crazies attack them. Be present for the people in your community and show that we're in this together.
Takeaway: Find ways to affirm people's way of life.
Takeaway: Don’t just campaign; build community.
Joshua Tanzer
jmtanzer@gmail.com
Hoboken, New Jersey
Takeaway Toteboard
- KEY #1: Republicans are from Mars, Democrats are from Swarthmore. (Feb. 23):
• Democrats run an intellectual campaign to voters who are emotional creatures.
• Instead of running an intellectual campaign, we need to use our intellect to create an emotional campaign.
- KEY #2: What does the Democrats’ hat say? (Feb. 26)
• The Republicans’ philosophy fits on a hat. Democrats don’t have one.
- KEY #3: Love isn’t rational. (Feb 28):
• Politics is emotion.
• If you find yourself trying to argue intellectually, stop! Find the emotional argument.
- KEY #4: You’re an animal! (March 1):
• Our attitudes come from our identity.
• You are speaking to the voter's animal brain.
- KEY #5: Don’t take away my _____! (March 4):
• Don't get into a fight with people's way of life.
• When you talk about change, find the “win.”
- KEY #6: You are this boy and life is this marshmallow. (March 6):
• Find ways to affirm people's way of life.
• Don’t just campaign; build community.
This! Yes!
What if every day we made our names by our good deeds? After my husband’s political experience (which was very atypical), I tell people—particularly young people, “If you think you might EVER want to run for public office, start today. Put yourself out there. Be seen by all sorts everywhere doing good deeds. Make as many friends with your grace, good deeds and follow-thru as you possible can.”
Campaigning shouldn’t have to be so expensive and such a drag. If you’ve done your work, it isn’t. It is a long process, but it’s a rewarding one.